I am finally at peace, I have vanquished the foe who has plagued me for years- Fear.
Fear has walked beside me, often hand in hand, for decades. Fear came to cast doubts on my gut feelings that my marriage was a sham. Fear sat with me and whispered to my soul that I did not deserve love, the love from someone who saw through fear and embraced the brave heart hidden deep within me.
Fear took up residence in my gut when I lost my job, and remained with me through all of the false starts and spirit crushing defeats as I slowly lost it all: my pride, my security, and my self-esteem. Fear never let me forget that I was older and was always being judged by younger superiors.
Job security? Not likely said fear. It didn’t matter if the expectations were inflated and no replacement was going to succeed when so many were thrilled to watch me fail.
Sheer grit, determination, and someone who believed in me when I sometimes forgot to believe in myself helped me to keep plugging away, but fear was so tricky. It skulked in the shadows ready to swoop in whenever it could.
Fear liked to shoot tiny darts in the form of shame, guilt and outright hate; piercing my precarious self-esteem, casting shadows and doubt over and over again. I soldiered on, painstakingly re-building my belief in myself, standing by my truth while people I trusted spread rumors and false information flourished around me.
I tended the garden of my soul, growing stronger and waiting until the day fear finally tipped it’s hand. Fear’s precarious hold was loosened and I wrenched free of its icy grasp.
Facing fear is not for the faint hearted. You must prepare for the battle, gird your loins and gather all your inner strength.
But one day your heart will say enough!
Your soul will say courage!
And you gut will say Go!
Only then will you be able to face fear with all of your strength and stand in the light of freedom and peace.