The last few days have brought some unsettled feelings that have once again reminded me that there is still baggage to deal with and more on the path that needs clearing.
I beginning to accept, albeit reluctantly, that there is still much work to be done within me. I have longer stretches of peace and even happiness, but there are days when the inner calm and fledgling feelings of hopefulness vanish, and I am left with an unease that upsets my fragile tranquility.
The unease forces me to dig deep to uncover the source of the current state of unhappiness. Many times it’s as simple as missing my sons who have moved away, or it can be harder to identify. Frustration and anger can disguise the fear that I am heading in the wrong direction, yet again. Fear that I will never get all the tangled threads of my life separated and straightened out.
The fear motivates me to change something fundamental in myself. To change my current attitude, drop the false expectations, and learn to ask for help when I need it most.
I am learning to lean into these times, to sit with them, and learn from them, in order to make some sense out of this time in my life. This time of transition is my time to let go of the past, accept what I cannot change, and look for new challenges in order to live the second half of my life with all of the wisdom and grace I can muster.