And that means I can never completely put the past behind me, because I share children with the man I divorced seven years ago.
The youngest is now 16, so technically there’s only two more years of shared custody, parenting plans, child support, and having take the high road, when the former spouse acts out.
I rarely discuss my divorce in any public forum, but this past week has brought home some realization of the truth- I’ve had enough.
For the past ten years I’ve been journaling and writing my way to the truth- about myself, my life, my marriage, my past, my present.
I truly believe all actions are motivated by love or fear.
Love brings trust, unselfish giving, compassion, abundance, and empathy for others.
Fear invites anger, mistrust, jealousy, revenge, bullying, suppression, and selfishness.
My unhappiness ten years ago stemmed from my own feelings of fear. Fear that I no longer felt loved, and fear when I realized I no longer trusted the person who continued to act out of his own fears.
He was an emotional bully. If I didn’t act the way he wanted; do what he wanted me to do, I was treated to his anger. As I grew more confident and started to grow- becoming my own person again, capturing a dream job, a promotion. His response was jealousy and selfishness.
So we divorced.
For the past seven years, he has become more powerful at work, he re-married and just built his dream home, yet he continues to operate out of fear. He is still an emotional bully and he still tries to control us all.
But, I chose love.
I wake up each morning and declare as my mantra of the day- I will act out of love, I will not give into fear. I am free. I am less stressed. I am healthier, and of course, happier, too.
How many people, how many marriages, how many families are destroyed through fear and all its guises?