It’s been an interesting January. Twelve weeks post Hurricane Irma and we finally had office space restored. Now have not only carpet and paint, but a cubby of my own.
But what is interesting is how creating a cubicle with six panels has changed a male superior’s perception of me, even as my title and responsibilities have stayed the same
Many, were extremely supportive and congratulatory. My work load and responsibilities have increased ten fold in the past five plus years. Taking me off “the floor” – just behind the panels, allows our receptionist to handle not just the phone calls, but deliveries, walk- ins and the daily minor disruptions.
Because I’m in a cubicle occupying the same room, I can still hear everything going on, and can insert myself if there’s a problem the receptionist can’t solve without me. So far we’ve had no issues.
The problem seems to be with someone higher up the chain, a male superior. There was a conversation about isolating myself, that I’m no longer accessible and can be perceived now as aloof.
I still act exactly the same. Still handle the same tasks and delegate to the receptionist as before, but I’m now inaccessible. Have I mentioned these are cubicle panels and I have no door to close?
I went home baffled, stung and spent the evening beating myself up. And then I got angry. Why do I feel shame that I did something wrong because I asked for my own office, which every other staff member enjoys, by the way. Why am I told that isolates me when I am still in the middle of the action?
I took the time to sit quietly and meditate. The message, I am enough kept popping up every single time I felt a negative feeling directed towards myself. I stopped feeling shamed because I spoke up for myself and asked for an office two years ago. I pushed away every feeling of insecurity placed on me by someone more insecure than I.
This morning a different mantra appeared as I sat quietly: I hold the power. The power to keep anyone from crushing my spirit or changing who I am.